


Cracking Under Pressure

by SemiFeralCatLady



Series: Wait Until the Dust Settles [4]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Murder Party (2007)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Humor, Borderline Personality Disorder, Canon-Typical Awfulness, Codependency, Dark Comedy, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Withdrawal, Drugs are Bad, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Recreational Drug Use, Slut Shaming, Somewhere around Season 3, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Verbal Abuse, i love villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 12:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15995120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SemiFeralCatLady/pseuds/SemiFeralCatLady
Summary: What started out as a night of drug-fueled anarchic jubilation for Dee and Lexi has stretched into a night of filth, pain, and misery. Tensions run high, as the duo clamors to earn back the feeling they had earlier, with the high-powered assistance of heavy drugs. But will they be able to keep their winning streak going even after the horrors of withdrawals begin to kick in? Only time will tell. Read on, intrepid viewers. Read on!





	Cracking Under Pressure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SilverRockets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverRockets/gifts).



> Ok, first of all, this goes out to SilverRockets as usual, as well as everyone in the archive and around the Discord chats who believes in me. This one takes a pretty serious departure in tone from the last three pieces. It is more serious, and darker, though hopefully not so much as to be inappropriate.
> 
> I believe I'll be sweeping through and making changes because I don't feel as satisfied as I have in the past on the completion of pieces, but I very much wanted to release my latest installment because it has been far too long. Also, I did release it just in time. It has only been one week since Sunny has come out of hiatus, and Murder Party has made its debut to Netflix! So here's to both of those events lining up so perfectly, and here's to my triumphant return to writing!
> 
> Now for my obligatory "drugs are bad" speech. I do not condone or recommend the use of heavy drugs in order to attempt to solve any of life's problems, or for recreational use. In no other chapter before has it been more clear that the use of hardcore narcotics can seriously cause damage to one's life.

It was around eight thirty at night when they finally arrived out front of the dingey blue-gray apartment complex. Both were still covered in grime from head to exposed toe. They hadn’t bothered trying to find replacements for their shoes, which was a blessing and a curse. Had they chosen to do so, they’d have likely been harassed or rejected from any shop they entered looking the way they did right now. 

They didn’t appear to be long-term transients. Dee in her designer lowcut jeans, navy and white striped tube top, and silver colored leather purse which appeared to be in pretty good condition. Her skin was still had a healthy tan without sun damage, and her teeth were glistening white, not crooked, and none missing, and her hair was still vibrant, bouncy, and the color of sunshine with an exception for the spots that were smattered with grease and dirt. Lexi’s skirt and off shoulder black and white top were bizarre looking but obviously expensive. She was starkly pale, far more than any woman who would sleep on the streets routinely, and while her skin was currently covered in sludge, it was clearly well kept and moisturized. They looked too healthy to be chronically homeless, but too dirty to be desirable customers anywhere. Aside from that, they were both barefoot. 

None of this felt important though. They were both feeling the chill, in spite of the muggy and sweltering eighty-five degree New York evening. Tiny aches in their joints were beginning to magnify and multiply. Their abdomens started to cramp and convulse, and it wouldn’t be long until the most violent menstrual pains that they’d ever felt started to seem like a mild nuisance in comparison. But still, they held high hope. Lexi was sure that they’d be past the worst of it soon. She could almost feel the chunky bag of milky crystals in the palm of her filthy hand. She licked her lips in anticipation, momentarily forgetting the bits of sludge that clung to her face. Instantly she regretted the subconscious decision, as the particles of grease floated across her taste buds, forcing her to spit on the doorsteps in front of her friend’s apartment and fight back a dry heave. 

“You ok, Lexi?” Dee asked, a bit disgusted by the sudden and involuntary expectoration. 

“Don’t worry about it, Dee. We need to get cleaned up though after we’re done here. I feel nasty as shit!” Lexi replied, urgency in her tone. 

Dee looked her companion over, noticing the way she was beginning to shake and twitch her muscles. It conjured a clear image from her past, mentally transporting her to the morning that she and Dennis had woken up after their very first crack binge. The frail, icy white skin and hollow sunken in eyes of her twin brother, as he shivered in his sleep upon the sofa in her living room. They weren’t there yet, but it surely wouldn’t be long. They needed to do something quickly.

“Lexi! You understand we’re gonna need to go to rehab right?” Dee cried out instinctively. Lexi passed a slightly indignant look but soon retracted her emotional stance.

“Ok, yeah. Obviously! We both need to check ourselves in after the movie’s done, or after we do a couple shows…”

“Shows?” Dee impulsively questioned.

“Well yeah! I mean… You were talking about being comedians. And I always think of standup when I think of comedy…”

“Ok, yeah but… Standup shows are a one-person job! And you need material, Lexi! Hadn’t you thought about that? I mean… I’ve been writing material for years, but it’s all just been for me, and what are you supposed to do up there? Huh? You need to think about these things, Lexi! Did you think about any of this shit?” Dee fumed, truly unable to tell how much of it was really her, and how much was a reaction to her impending withdrawals. Lexi grit her teeth while averting Dee’s gaze in shame. She felt as she did being scolded by her older brother as a child when she suggested she wanted to be a doctor like him.

“You were the one who was talking about how significant our night has been. I figured you’d understand. What the fuck is wrong with you all of a sudden, asshole?” Lexi whined. She pointed her sullen, stormy blue eyes toward the ground. 

Had she been at home in Philadelphia still, Dee likely would have taken this as a perfect opportunity to quit and go home. Yes, this woman had shared her coke after only just meeting her, and yes, she was actually willing to make changes to her god-awful script. And yes, maybe it was a little unfair that she was being so tight-fisted with her comedic material. She’d only just met Lexi, who had already shared what appeared to be the two most important things in the world with her; her script and her coke. But she shared those willingly… well, ok, not right away, but that was beside the point. Regardless, that was her choice. Dee mulled the whole situation over in her mind for a bit, considering apologizing, but choosing to save it for a more appropriate moment.

“Look, we’ll both feel a whole lot better after we’ve imbibed. I’m starting to feel the withdrawals kick in pretty strong, so I can’t guarantee I’m gonna be the nicest person right now. You should understand that.” Dee dismissed her transgression. Lexi passed her blond companion a venomous grimace, making no uncertainty of her disapproval.

“I’m starting to withdraw too, and I haven’t used it as an excuse to be a bitch to you yet!” Lexi retorted. 

Dee fought the urge to snap back, very hard. It was annoying to have to admit, but she was being less patient with Lexi than the other way. Besides, this was the girl who had her back in that fight a few hours back. She was also the stupid cunt who said that her friend’s house would be ten blocks away. It felt like they’d been walking for miles, and even if that weren’t the case, she clearly had a terrible sense of distance. It was difficult to decide at this point just how good or bad of an idea it was to stick with her and was beginning to fall into the category of something she would have done back in Philly. Still, the need to feed her urges and stave off the horrors of withdrawal were way too strong for her to ignore. And this still seemed to be her best chance.

“Um, can we talk about this later, please? Like after we’ve got the rocks?” Dee urged. Lexi groaned. She looked away from Dee and typed in the combination on the apartment keypad which would activate the intercom for her friend’s room. A buzz came over the speaker, and then silence. She turned her head to the speaker, using all the patience she had in her not to shout into the microphone.

“Macon, this is Lexi! Remember I texted you like, an hour ago?” she paused. No response for a moment. Lexi furrowed her brow at Dee, looking a bit nervous.

“You did remember to tell him you were coming, right?” Dee moaned.

“Yeah! Of course, I did! I’m not stupid. I think I might’ve thrown him off though, saying I’d be by in twenty minutes.”

“Ya think? That was like, two hours ago, bitch! You really haven’t texted him since then?” Dee narrowed her eyes.

“Ok, well, first of all, I think your timeline’s way off…” before the dark-haired girl could finish her sentence, she was cut off by an ear piercing, interrupting buzz, similar to the one they’d heard only moments ago.

“Lexi! Holy shit! I’m so glad you made it through! I’d just about passed out on the couch!” An excited voice proclaimed over the speaker. Lexi flashed a snide ‘I told you so’ glance towards Dee, before she turned again to respond to the voice coming from the speaker.

“Whatever. Just buzz me in already!” Lexi demanded. In an instant, an even louder buzz than before signified the access to the building. Both a blessing and a curse, given how much more irritating the noise was right this moment than it normally would be. Lexi opened the complex door, allowing Dee entrance before she darted down the corridor ahead of her.

“Follow me, Dee!” Lexi beckoned. The complex was dingey on the inside. There was a musty smell in the hallways. The carpet appeared to be relatively new, but had stains strewn about its surface from all manners of spilled substances. It was still nicer than the complex that Charlie lived in, Dee thought, but just barely. 

Lexi turned the corner and took to the stairwell. She hadn’t slowed her stride or looked over her shoulder this whole time. Was she assuming that Dee was keeping up? Was she still being petty over the exchange they had on the apartment staircase? Or was this just her addiction expressing itself? Dee couldn’t be sure, but she assumed it likely wasn’t a worst case scenario, as she had clearly asked her to follow. Taking three flights of stairs in a flurry, Lexi finally peeked over her shoulder to check on Dee’s progress. At least she could be relied on that far. 

She held the door open as Dee caught up. Lexi noticed the sweat on her forehead, bringing streaks of dirt and grease down her face like smeared makeup. She could feel the melty moisture on her own face and was sure she had come out none the better. What had felt so liberating only hours before was now proving itself a colossal annoyance. Not to mention, she was just now beginning to feel the aches creep over her. It may have been a result of taking the stairs too quickly, or maybe the fact that the walk had been much longer than she had originally suspected. Regardless, the euphoric and grandiose feelings of what seemed like only moments ago had all but passed. 

Lexi took Dee’s hand again, just to feel secure in some capacity. Yes, they had just been fighting, but she needed some kind of anchor to reality right now, and the feeling of Dee’s slender, soft, albeit greasy fingers was her only life preserver at this moment. Dee took some solace in the fact that her partner was showing some level of concern for her still. Her earlier thoughts about cutting and running were beginning to subside. It appeared that in the short time they’d spent together, their bond had come to mean a lot to Lexi. More than Dee had suspected, only a moment ago on the stairs. There was something almost familiar in this feeling for Dee. Almost like with her own horrible friends back home. She didn’t know whether to embrace a feeling of relief or cry out in despair. In a matter of seconds, they had circumnavigated the apartment, and were on the opposite side of the building from before, turning just shy of the stairwell from the building’s other side. Lexi turned towards a door to her right, preparing to knock.

“Wait, you mean we could’ve taken the other staircase, and we’d have been right at his door? Why the fuck didn’t we just do that?” Dee snapped.

“We weren’t facing that direction! Does it matter? Shit!”

“Yeah, it matters! That shit could’ve saved us like, a minute! How do you not think of these things? Lexi, we don’t have time to waste right now!”

Before she had a chance to knock, the door flung open. A bearded man with red hair in his worn pajamas wearing a huge grin stood at the other side. Within moments, his look of joyful surprise shifted to confusion, and then concern, as his eyes scanned over the two filthy young women at his door, only one of whom he knew. He tried to hide his reaction as best he could, but it had been immediately processed by the two visitors, who themselves attempted to cover up their irritation at his interruption. 

“Hey Lexi… are you ok?” Macon asked, unsteadily. He was transfixed by the abnormal layers of filth caked to her body, and the unannounced guest that she had brought along with her. Certainly, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to bring guests by uninvited. Usually her latest girlfriend or boyfriend, or whomever she was working a project or a drug deal with at the time, but they generally didn’t look quite so fresh off the street. 

Lexi recognized in short time what must be going through Macon’s panicked little mind and did her best to dismiss his worries. She forced a tight smile, one full of jagged teeth, like a raccoon that had been caught rummaging in the trash. Dee followed suit, not even thinking about it.

“Am I ok? Listen to this guy! Hey Macon! This is my new friend Dee!”

Dee put out her filthy hand, which Macon shook obligatorily. He could feel the dread well up within as he made eye contact with the grimy young woman. It was definitely going to be one of those nights.

“It’s… any friend of Lexi… uh…” Macon stammered over his words, doing his best not to offend either of his guests.

“Nice to meet you Macon! I promise I don’t usually look like this. Hey… would it be ok if I used your shower?” Dee pleaded. The desperation in her tone was palpable. Lexi flashed a glance of both extreme irritation and panic at Dee. Macon made his best attempt to maneuver the situation 

“Uh… maybe we can discuss that in a little bit. Lexi, what the hell is going on here? Is she like, your girlfriend or…” 

“Macon, you know my relationships are none of your business! Now, look. I fucking hate to do this to you, but Macon, we really need a favor right now. Can you help a sister out?” Lexi attempted playfulness. Macon remained confused, and all things considered, understandably reserved.

“Look, Lexi. I wanna help you…” Unable to finish his thought, Lexi instantly jumped on what she viewed as an opportunity.

“You wanna help me? Perfect! Ok, so remember like, seven years ago, when you got me that huge bag of rocks, and I didn’t want ‘em?” Lexi attempted to normalize the situation, while also downplaying her physical and psychological urgency. Macon noticed the involuntary twitches from both young women and was unable to ignore the symptoms that they were now so obviously presenting, on top of how filthy they were. A sinking sense of defeat now gripped him. He desperately wanted to come through but needed to be honest with them at the same time. There was no escape from this situation.

“Oh god… yeah, ya see… I don’t have that!” Macon forced a nervous smile. Lexi and Dee’s eyes set ablaze with frightening agitation, like a pair of enraged hornets. Macon shrunk a little behind the door frame.

“Don’t fuck with me Macon! I really can’t deal with this kind of bullshit right now!” Lexi threatened. Macon held his hands up in front of himself, hoping to diffuse the situation with his pathetic posture.

“I swear! Hand to Christ! I am not fucking with you Lexi! You know I care way too much about you to do that… as a friend I mean! Our friendship’s important…” Macon stammered until abruptly cut off.

“Oh god! Shut up, Macon! What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Great hookup, Lexi!” Dee snarked. Lexi glared daggers at Dee. Macon nervously paused, not sure what to say or do next, affecting a stunned deer expression amidst the brutal atmosphere. Lexi refocused her attention on Macon.

“Well?” Lexi snapped.

“Huh?” Macon responded.

“Why don’t you have my shit, Macon? I didn’t tell you to get rid of it!” Lexi ordered. Macon shrunk more and more into a defeated, scruffy ball by the second, feeling decreasingly confident that he could pacify his unhinged friend. He took a few steps back before hesitantly speaking.

“Ok, well… and trust me, I am not trying to be an asshole here, but… You totally told me to get rid of it, Lexi. Big time. You were like, ready to punch me in the face! So I figured I had to get rid of it, or you’d have like, stopped talking to me…”

“Oh, are you fucking serious?”

“Did you really threaten to punch him?” Dee chimed in.

“No. Maybe…” Lexi tried hard to remember.

“You did, Lexi. You’d just done three lines, and you were also really fucking drunk. As much as I don’t like to admit this, you get really scary when you’re like that.” Macon tried as hard as he could not to offend her, but he could tell he would have no such luck.

“Ok, but like… And I’m not saying that happened, but even if it did, you usually don’t get rid of shit like that when it’s for me. Also, you had a lot of that shit! I don’t even know how you could’ve gotten rid of it all. Or how you got it in the first place, for that matter. How the fuck’d you even manage?” Lexi ranted. Macon sighed and looked downward, averting the burning gaze.

“I saved up like two and a half months’ worth of paychecks for it. I had to go freegan for like three months to offset the cost.”

“Ok, so then you sold it back?” 

“No. I didn’t do that. That’s not something you can do…” Macon whimpered.

“My god, what a pussy!” Dee impulsively interrupted.

“Dee, goddamnit! Kill the misogynistic language and let me handle this!” Lexi glowered.

“Lexi, I really wanna help you, and ya know… I feel like this might be a really good time for you to slow down a bit with the coke. I can let you and Dee stay at my place for a bit while you come down…”

“Macon, stop treating me like a fucking child! I can take care of my own problems! Now tell me what the fuck you did with all that crack, you stupid fucking dildo!” Lexi clutched the doorframe and began to sink her nails in, feeling the wood begin to splinter under the pressure. Dee shifted her gaze back and forth between her fiery partner in addiction and the hairy simpleton who struggled to save face with her, questioning every decision she’d made so far this night. Macon now visibly began to quiver.

“I’m really sorry, Lexi. You said it was disgusting shit, and that it would suck the life out of you and turn you into a gross monster, and ya’ totally convinced me. I mean, I really lo… I care about your health, Lexi. I didn’t wanna see that happen to you. So, ya’ know… I flushed it down the toilet.” Macon nervously admitted. Lexi gaped her jaw in disbelief. 

“Wait? You flushed that whole bag down the toilet?”

“Well, not all at once. I did like, a little bit every week until the bag is empty. But I thought it’s what you wanted me to do.”

“Great job, queermo!” Dee berated Macon, to Lexi’s ire.

“Fuck! Stop saying that kind of shit, you fucking bitch! You’re making me look like a bigot by association!” Lexi shouted.

“Are you serious? We have bigger things to worry about right now than how I chose to insult your dumb-dick friends! I am going through withdrawals, you stupid whore!” Dee shrieked.

“Right! And you’re spewing homophobic language, which if anything, tells me you’re a total homophobe who was just holding back until you found an excuse to let loose how you really feel, you goddamned dildo!”

“Oh, suck my dick, you ivory tower sitting bitch!”

“Umm… look, this shit’s getting really out of hand.” Macon interrupted, drawing venomous gazes from both girls. “I’m really worried about you, Lexi, but I’m starting to get the impression that you don’t really want my help, and I’m sorry I got rid of that crack I bought you, but that was like, seven years ago, and you’d never even mentioned it since then. I figured you had your bases covered as far as buying blow. I seriously don’t have any connections…”

“Wait!” Lexi had a flash of inspiration. “What about the person you picked up from originally? Did you keep his number?” She jittered optimistically. 

“The guy had a beeper. I don’t even think people use those anymore!” Macon contended. Lexi rolled her eyes, donning an irritated expression.

“Forget it! You’re worthless, Macon!” 

“C’mon, you can’t mean that… I’ll let you use my shower!”

“Goodbye, Macon!” Lexi growled, turning towards the staircase.

“Later, boner!” Dee added, following Lexi towards the stairs. Macon stood in shock, unable to close the door as the two girls stormed away. His mind teaming with all forms of questions which he knew would remain unanswered. 

Dee darted to Lexi’s side in an instant, eager to voice her disappointment in the conclusion of their latest endeavor. Lexi turned her shoulder to Dee, noticing her sarcastic expression, and not being up for another round of bitchery.

“Look! This isn’t the end of the fucking world…” Lexi started.

“Oh, you’re goddamned right, it’s not the end of the world, because Dee Reynolds is a strong independent woman, who can take care of her own shit! It is, however, the end of me following orders from you, bitch! You are clearly not smart enough to be in charge here, and I…”

“Excuse me? Where the fuck do you get off talking to me like this? None of tonight would have happened for you if it weren’t for me!” Lexi asserted. Dee shook her head and grimaced deeply.

“Yes, and thank you for taking credit once again, you stupid bitch! You’re right! I wouldn’t be hooked on blow again and going through withdrawals if it weren’t for you! Thanks for that!”  
Dee started to walk past Lexi down the stairs at a startling pace. Lexi felt a bit unbalanced trying to pace her in bare feet. By now her feet and Dee’s were swollen to the size of a rhino’s and covered with cuts and callouses from a full night of walking barefoot through the streets of New York. Dee was more than happy to allow her newfound companion to shoulder all the blame.

“What? You’re the one who wanted it in the first place, fucker! Don’t try to blame this on me!”

“Oh, I am blaming you! And do you know why? Because it was your coke in the first place, you druggie cunt!” Dee screeched.

“Oh, so now I’m the druggie?”

“Well, yeah! Obviously, you stupid bitch! Your drugs, your drug problem!” Dee had freed herself of all responsibility. This infuriated Lexi to no end. She wasn’t even planning to finish that satchel before this self-absorbed bitch came into her life. It was clearly a misrepresentation for her to be cast as the one with the drug problem. Clearly, she recognized she had a problem, but she had at least been exercising restraint up to that point.  
“Look, I was going to say, there’s other options available to us, but you know, I’m really starting to think it’s the ‘us’ part that’s not working!” Lexi snarled.

“Oh, ya’ think?” Dee snapped back with furious sarcasm, not stopping to leave the door open at the bottom of the stairwell.

“You know what, bitch? Just fucking go back to whatever shithole motel you’re staying at, and get out of my life! I’ve been more than generous with you, and you’re proving over and over to me what a stupid decision that was!”

“Good! I will! In fact, I think I’ll just head back home to Philly tonight! Score some powder there, and forget I ever met you! New York’s a shithole, and you’re the worst part of it!” Dee shouted back, running down the street ahead of her. Tears began to streak her face as she said those last word. She was pretty sure she’d managed to drown the guilt and sadness out of her voice with anger, though even if that weren’t the case, it wouldn’t have mattered. Dee smacked her bare feet against the cracked New York sidewalk as quickly as she could. 

She refused to look back. She thought she may have heard Lexi’s whiney, lispy voice call back to her in the distance, but she had determined to attribute it to a coke induced auditory hallucination. Just another nightmare, like everything else she’d experienced on her tragic summer trip. And here she was now, only worse for the wear. Her feet blistered and swollen like pontoons. Her clothes and skin covered with the indescribable grime of the New York streets. Her joints all buckling under the pressure of the withdrawals. Cramping from head to toe. Sweating. Head spinning. 

She remembered the whole night in snippets. A carousel of regret. That first ice cold handshake. Lexi’s cruel, smug smirk during their interview. She and Lexi almost coming to blows in the casting room. Then the sudden switch. Everything felt so confusing at the moment. She remembered smiling at Lexi. Sharing her cocaine. Holding hands. She remembered consoling her about her script. Telling her she had potential. That they had potential… 

Had she meant it? Did it matter that she meant it? Dee felt the tears welling in her eyelids stream down in oily streaks. She’d made up her mind, goddamnit! She couldn’t allow herself to forget just how stupid and how completely awful Lexi was. But the night still remained etched in her memory. The good and the bad. It would definitely take months of very heavy drinking to erase. But if that was the case, so be it! She had selected her course, and she had to stay with it. If Sweet Dee was going to succeed in this world, it would have to be on her own. 

She silently wept as she pushed herself forward into the night. Never slowing, never looking back. Not fully certain what her destination was. Only taking satisfaction in knowing that she was leaving here. Leaving Lexi. Leaving New York. Leaving her broken dreams. Leaving. One foot in front of the other.

 

Fin


End file.
